The Demo Site

I respected the decision that you made because you think that it will make things better. When I let you walk away it’s with a hope that you are just walking from me (I thought for a while), but not from our friendship. But that hope seems to be empty right now, and it troubles me. It seems to me that what we had before doesn’t count to you anymore. And the thought of seeing things between us, which seem to be falling apart, just makes me sad.

You know that I have lost a friend once. You know what pain it had brought to me. You were there. You were there to comfort me and it somehow lessened the pain I felt then. Now, the same pain started to grow back. But it’s sad to know that there will never be the same you. I just can’t afford to lose another friend. I can’t afford to lose you.

I tried to keep my distance because I know it’s what you want, and without doing so according to what you want may appear to be disrespecting you. I thought I can handle it. But I was wrong. I think about it everyday. And every time I think about it, the sadness I feel is not getting any less. It’s just hard for me to look at things coming down without doing anything. Writing this note is the least I can do.

I am burdened with this guilt I feel ever since this situation occurred. I’m taking the blame for all the pain and hurt I have caused. I am sorry for being so insensitive. I never meant to be so. I wish I could find the perfect words to express how sorry I was. I will do anything just to undo all the mistakes I have done. Anything.

I hurt a person who doesn’t deserve to be hurt. If only I could just take this guilt away. But I know too well that this guilt will not go away. Not until you give me a chance to talk to you. Not until I know that you will be okay. Not until I know that you have forgiven me. No, this guilt will never go away until you agree to give our friendship a second chance. Only you can take this guilt away entirely from me.

Again, I am sorry. I don’t know how broken and hurt you are. But I want you to know that I am also feeling what you are feeling. Maybe not as exactly, but I am.

I admit, there are some things in this situation that I don’t understand. If it will make any difference, I want to understand them if you will give me a chance. But what has happened had happened. No matter what we do we can never undo them. But we can do so much more for our friendship, so much more for saving it. Let’s save it. Please, if it still matters to you, help me save it.

I’ll just be around.

--- aLoN